Let's Talk About Your Ego

The saying has been overdone, but ‘finding my voice’ has been my greatest challenge to date.

I’ve always been open with my feelings of inadequacy and lack of experience, and the advice I hear time and time again, is tell your story and be authentically raw. The problem is that my story isn’t one of hardship, or discrimination, or a journey of self-love. I was a ballet dancer until I was 20, and much to my mother’s despair and fathers delight I now play amateur AFL football. I am from a fun and loving family, I have incredible friends, and I am privileged to be highly educated, having just completed my Masters in Business Marketing last year after an Undergraduate in Psychology.

I question myself, do you have a story worth telling without a great tragedy or story of adversity? Will your voice be impactful, if you are just authentically you?

So, I guess, my story of strength, is believing that I have something to say that is worth listening to.

Finding who you are, contrary to popular belief, I think is more than trial and error. It is navigating the person you would like others to see you as, who you can realistically be in your current life situation, and then what you can mimic from people you admire to create a better self. These parameters aren’t black and white, and there is a lot of grey area for personal growth and experiences in-between. But from what I have lived and learnt, I would say that feeling like an imposter is a good thing. You never settle for adequacy, and you don’t believe your opinions and thoughts are more important than others.

While reflecting on myself and finding my strength to speak up, and pull up a chair at the grown-up table, the term ‘ego’ is something that came up a lot in leadership. These sorts of questions and controversial topics are something I am passionate about exploring, and that’s what I thought I would share in this article.

So, why does the term ‘ego’ get a bad rap?

Have you ever thought your boss or colleague had a head too big for their shoulders, and you cursed at the size of their ego? That person that can’t take criticism, thinks they are god’s gift, and everything done right is because of their input. Perhaps the word you were really looking for was arrogant, conceited, selfish. In modern discourse, having an ego is considered a negative thing. You are positioned as arrogant, condescending, or self-absorbed.

But what really is your ego? It is your sense of self-esteem, your self-importance, your self-respect, and your pride, and psychologists believe that is an essential part of your identity.

What other positive word encompasses all of those things? Confidence is a belief that you can succeed, boisterous is energetic or loud, determination is a firmness of purpose.

 No other word truly captures what the ego does.

But of course, everything in moderation. A big ego is no fun for anyone.

According to Freud, your ego is the balance between your instincts and your morality. Think of the angel and demon on either shoulder. Your ego mediates, compromises and postpones to ensure you as a person are putting your best foot forward (according to societal standards). Your ego is the decision-making component of your personality, and decision making is a HUGE part of leadership.  

It is also important to note that your ego doesn’t distinguish between right and wrong. That’s where your morale’s, values and attitudes come into play. This is where, I believe, people get confused. Your ego is something to explore, and not to insult. It can forge outstanding leadership, creative thinking, high order thinking.

I’m still working on ‘find my voice’ and embracing my ego, but here are my two cents for now:

1.     If you are struggling to speak your mind, begin by writing it.

2.     If you don’t believe what you’re saying, no one else will.

3.     If you need some extra strength and support, draw from facts, journals and articles, and back up your opinions and thoughts.

Leaders out there, my message to you… your ego is an ASSET. Embracing your ego won’t make you a raging narcissist, instead can give you ,and potentially your business, a competitive advantage.

Article by

Membership Manager,

Annie Simpson